Come midnight my sister, my brother and my then husband, Lance, all walked into East Ridge Hospital with me. Upon getting checked in to my room my brother and sister broke out a bag of Cheese Doritos and Mayfield French Onion Dip (my FAVORITE) and proceeded to loudly enjoy each and every bite. I do believe this was done on purpose as some type of payback from one of my childhood antics (like pushing Blake off the back of a truck) but the non stop torture of what they were doing to me, well, it was just inhumane.
Around 2 to 3 am the nurses began my Pitocin drip. The contractions started almost immediately. The monitor on my stomach showed the contractions to be mild, the numbers on the baby monitors looked perfect and the steady rhythmic beat of his little heart gave me great comfort. Over the next two hours my pain continued to increase, however, my contractions still appeared to be mild and did not change much (as far as the monitor goes). The nurses came in around 4 am to check, I was still only 2 cm dilated.
It was a busy night in the maternity ward. Over 20 babies born in less than 24 hours and all delivery rooms were occupied with active labors. Because my contraction line didn't move much the nurses did not come by my room much (too many other babies coming into the world). I have a high tolerance to pain so although the pain continued to increase and I found it necessary to try to go to the bathroom every few minutes (it was the only thing that helped relieve the pain), it never occurred to me that the labor was in fact progressing. I just thought I had to poop, but no matter how hard I tried I never pooped. No one had prepared me that there could be the possibility of back labor, and since I didn't want to be seen as the wimp who complains about her pain when she's only 2 cm dilated, I did not notify anyone. Amy, Blake and Lance had all been passed out asleep for a while. It was when I begin throwing up that they awoke. When Lance heard me getting sick he paged the nurses. I heard him say "she's getting sick, there's something wrong". A few minutes later a nurse came in and checked how far along I was. Her eyes went wide and she yelled "You're 8 cm now!" as she rushed out of the room. We kept asking about getting the epidural, my Aunt Annette even went to another room to try to pull the anesthesiologist to me, but their response was "there's no time". In less than an hour and a half I had dilated from 2 to 8, and my worst fear was coming true.......natural childbirth with NO medication.
My doctor was not in yet so we began the pushing process while she was en route. She had expected me to deliver later that evening, not a mere 4.5 hours from the time I was induced. For two solid hours I pushed with very little progress. We were not aware of my heart issues at that time. The stress of labor had basically made me feel like I was running a marathon so my body kept giving out and it became harder and harder to push. While I was pushing I remember seeing my brother Blake standing just around the corner. Enough that he wasn't able to see ANYTHING that was going on, but not quite out of the room so he could hear everything. At some point after daylight my mother ran in screaming and hollering (in true Sunshine/Marlene fashion). She yelled at the doctor and nurses for not checking on me enough so that I could get the epidural. The doctor's response to this was "Look woman, women have been having babies since the bible. I think your daughter is going to be able to make it okay with no medication". Since she was taken aback by the doctor's direct response so she turned to me. As she did she unintentionally bent my IV completely backwards (it was in the top of my hand). I quite loudly said "Get off my IV!!". Her response was yet again a classic Marlene response.........."Don't you dare get smart with me young lady". I didn't find that too funny at the time but looking back it is most definitely a moment with my mother I will NEVER forget.
At 7:47 am on February 3rd, our sweet boy made his appearance into the world. He came out facing down rather than up. I remember Lance telling me that when his head came out Lance said "Hey there little buddy". Hunter turned his head towards Lance's voice and he opened his eyes. I remember Blake not being able to resist a peek when he heard "there's his head" and seeing the look of horror on his face as he realized Hunter's head was not quite out yet. I felt every square inch of that child as he came out, no pain could have even compared to what I felt in that moment. As soon as he was born the doctors moved him to the incubator and began working on him. I was not aware but Hunter's body temp was very low. Not sure if a chord was wrapped or if the labor had just taken a toll on him, but after letting me get a quick glimpse of him they rushed him off to the nursery. For the first 6 hours of his life I wasn't allowed to touch him.
After they took Hunter away the doctor began to finish up with what they needed to do. I remember laying there with both feet in stirrups and nothing, absolutely NOTHING covering me and hearing my in laws voices. Before I could react here come Lance's parents walking around the corner only to find me spread eagle, in all my glory. I remember laying there MORTIFIED that my father in law had seen that, but he walked straight to me like nothing was wrong.
When they finally brought him to my room I sat, scared to death to touch him. He looked so tiny, so perfect. All I wanted to do was look, and repeat in my head over and over that this is my child, I am responsible for this little one for the REST of my life. Eventually the fears subsided and I picked him up. From that very first moment I touched him I knew he was meant to be mine. When time came for his first diaper change Lance took the honor. What we weren't prepared for was the pee bath we would receive as soon as his diaper was removed and air touched him.
Today, on the eve of Hunter's birthday, I sit reflecting on the day in which he came into this world. The process, no matter how painful, had been immediately worth it when I laid eyes on him for the first time. From the very beginning we knew he was special, his light shined from the inside out. All who laid eyes upon him immediately fell in love. I think back to the pain I felt on that day and how I said I had never and would never feel anything as painful as I had just felt again......my words were wrong. You could take the pain of that day and multiply it by infinity and it would pale in comparison to the pain I felt on the day he left this world. I didn't know that I would only have Hunter for 15 short years. If I had I'm sure I would have cherished our time together more than what I had. Tomorrow Hunter would have been 16. Rather than celebrating with birthday cake and candles we will be gathering at his graveside to release balloons in his honor. Rather than taking him to get his driver's license and laughing at his ridiculous license photo we will be sitting by his headstone reminiscing on the time we did have with him. I would gladly go through the pain of his birth every second of every day if it meant I could have him back here with me.
Happy Sweet 16, sweet boy, your absence has left a void in us all that may never close, but though you are gone we will NEVER forget you or memories we made with you........shine on, sweet boy, shine on.
