A few weeks before he passed away he asked me to listen to a couple of songs, one in particular he said he wanted played at his funeral when he died. Of course the talk of death, especially in regards to one of my children, was NOT a conversation I wanted to have on any level, but he made me listen none the less. After the song played he said "I'm not afraid to die, mom. If I were to die today I would not have ANY regrets". He also talked of living life in a way that when the day comes that he is no longer here his story was special enough to continue to be told.
Right after he passed away I couldn't remember the song he specifically said he wanted played at his funeral (should he ever die). A few days later I stumbled across the song "In The End" by Black Veil Brides and upon hearing the intro I knew this was the song Hunter had wanted. It was too late to play it at his funeral (and really it may not have been appropriate to play a heavy rock song in the Baptist Church where his funeral was held), but it has played on repeat ever since that fateful day.
In listening to the lyrics I immediately felt as if Hunter were speaking directly to me. In the last year of his life I saw him live with an abundance of joy and appreciation for simply "being alive". He threw himself into school and and put his whole heart and soul into playing beautiful music with his band family. He began each day with the sole purpose of making the most out of the time he was given. Each relationship he formed (whether it be family or friends) he treasured. He had a way of looking past one's exterior and seeing the true individual that lies within, and no matter how different they were from him, he loved each and every one the same. His Faith he wore as a badge of honor, always taking the opportunity to spread his testimony and love for our Heavenly Father. Though he didn't have much as far as materialistic things go, he lived like he was the richest man on Earth. Black clouds followed him majority of his life but he was always able to find the sunshine in the midst of the darkness. Hunter's quick wit and humor drew many a crowd, he just had "that way" of captivating an audience. He simply loved, and I am now finding out just how much he was loved in return.
I'm sure I will come across biased (considering I am his mother), but I think many would agree that Hunter was a special. His death rocked our worlds leaving us feeling as if we were cheated somehow, he was cheated somehow. A light that bright should be able to shine for many, MANY years simply gone in the matter of seconds. To us all 15 years was just not long enough for that light to shine. Now that he is gone it helps to talk of him. It helps to share his story. That's what brings some type of comfort to this mother's grieving heart. In his short 15 years he managed to live a life that has now left a lasting impact on hundreds, if not more. Even in his death his story helped to lead 15 others to Christ, countless more since his funeral. Most of us could live a lifetime and never be able to leave the type of impression Hunter left...........
If we were to die today could we say as Hunter did that we weren't afraid to die? That we would have no regrets? I may never fully get over Hunter's death, but I will forever look back at his life and draw inspiration for I, too want to leave this world feeling as if I'd served my purpose....shine on, sweet boy, shine on.
In The End, Black Veil Brides
In the end,
As my soul's laid to rest
What is left of my body
Or am I just a shell?
And I have fought
And with flesh and blood I commanded an army
Through it all
I have given my heart for a moment of glory
In the end
As you fade into the night
Who will tell the story of your life
And who will remember your last goodbye
'Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid to die
Born a saint
But with every sin I still wanna be holy
I will live again
Who we are
Isn't how we live we are more than our bodies
If I fall I will rise back up and relive my glory
In the end
As you fade into the night
Who will tell the story of your life
And who will remember your last goodbye
'Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid to die
.
Who will remember this last goodbye?
'Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid to die
