Now we are at the year anniversary. I still find myself heartbroken, at times feeling lost and like a huge chunk of me is missing. I experience periods of feeling numb, other times I'm a basket case. At this very moment last year I had no clue why God had chosen to take my child, however, I did know that He would not have chosen to do such a painful thing unless He had a reason behind it all. Though the pain of loosing Hunter is greater than I can physically bear at times, I refuse to lay down in defeat. Almost immediately God began to reveal not only Himself, but his love, mercy and grace to us all. We were able to bury our son without owing any type of a debt, 15+ precious souls were saved at his funeral, and countless others since. We began to see just how many lives he touched, how many precious souls he loved simply life with. We saw his love for our Lord and how he wore his Faith clearly on his sleeves. Though we were in the midst of our darkest days, there was enough light coming through to keep us moving forward.
I knew this day would be rough emotionally, but did not really know what to expect. I woke to the news of one of Hunter's classmates passing away. Another member of the class of 2018 taken way too soon, way too young. I think about his parents, and how they, too, are feeling those same raw emotions of the days immediately following their son's unexpected passing. The same class that had experienced so much loss already, now experiencing another. After waking I had the strong urge to go to his grave. While there I sat listening to songs on my Ipod (through Hunter's ear buds) and witnessed another family lay a loved one to rest. I sat, I cried, I prayed and I remembered. Towards the end of my time there an older couple came by. The woman walked up and said "Who is this to you?". I said "This is my son. He died a year ago today......". From there our conversation went to her also loosing a child, both agreeing that the pain is something you never really get over. You go on, but you don't get over it. She asked me where he went to school, I replied with "Bradley County". She asked another question then she said "My grandchildren live in Cleveland (city) and they've talked about this boy".......
After my solo visit to the grave I met my husband (Danny Boy), step daughters, niece and friend to eat. After lunch we all returned to Hunter's grave to sit for a bit longer as a family. I enjoyed sitting with Daniel and the girls, and having Kayle there is always a blessing. We were able to call Jenna and all speak to her while there. Towards the end of our time a couple of Hunter's school friends came (Macey, Mercedes and Laurel), and we sat and reminisced for a bit longer. Tonight I sit at home alone while Daniel and the girls carry on our family tradition of watching Riverbend fireworks. I felt guilty for not going, but had the strong urge to spend some time here at home, playing piano or writing, something that would help ease this sadness in my heart.
The pain of loosing Hunter is something that will never leave me. It may be manageable at times, but it will always be there. I will never again be the person I was prior to his death, for I am forever changed. I knew Hunter was special, and the way he lived his life made people fall in love with him instantly. He was truly an old soul trapped in a 15 year old's body. From the very young to the very old he won the hearts of many. I knew before he died he was special, but now I see that he touched many, MANY more than I had imagined Since his death I have seen his testimony come to life, I've seen how he lived in a way to inspire and how those he loved most have drawn inspiration from him. I am more proud of him today than I was then. God gave me the world when He gave me Hunter, through Hunter I learned to dream. The first year is behind us, and looking back I see more good than bad, more blessings than bad fortunes and more light than darkness. Somehow God got us through this year, and I will move forward trusting that He will get us through another........
