You Are My Sunshine

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when skies are grey.
You never know, BABE, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away"

Today is kind of a double whammy when it comes to anniversary dates.  It marks the 1 month anniversary of Hunter's burial and the 7 year anniversary of my mother's death.  Anyone who knew Hunter and my mother knew that a special bond they shared.  He was her "sonny boy".  Mom battled addictions most of her life but Hunter seemed to be her saving grace.  With him she was inspired to change her ways, he brought her joy, comfort and lots of love.  With him she began to live life again.  In Hunter's eyes, no one matched his "Sunshine". They shared a bond so strong that even her passing couldn't dull.......

Seven years ago on this date Hunter walked into my mother's house to spend the day with her while Lance and I worked.  Upon entering he found her passed away (peacefully) on her couch.  He walked straight to her and said "Sunshine get up, I'm here", but she never responded.  This was the day that Hunter found his best friend gone from this world.  It was life changing for him, and this one event triggered a series of events that would eventually strip Hunter of the life he once knew and replace with all brand new.  It took several years for those pieces to come back together and there was much pain and heartbreak, however, through those events Hunter molded into the absolutely beautiful soul.  He always seemed like an old soul trapped in a young man's body.  Words can't begin to describe how proud I am of the person he became and the way he chose to live his life.  Despite the dark he always searched for the sunshine and made the best of any situation.  He was truly an amazing person and Sunshine (as well as countless others) helped mold him along the way.

Today I'm left thinking of them both.  Mom's probably sitting at a piano with Hunter on his sax playing beautiful music together.  It warms my heart to know they're together again (along with Blake and Papa Daddy), but I still have a huge void left where Hunter was.  I was never the same after mom died and I'm certain I will never be the same now that Hunter has gone........my hope is that the new me can honor and keep their memory alive.  I hope to live in a way that they both inspired me to live.  Both truly special souls who touched countless lives and they shined so brightly for the whole world to see.  Through the darkness I, too, shall search for the sunshine.  I can still hear Mom singing with Hunter, You are my sunshine..........what I wouldn't give to hear it just one more time.....

Take care of him, Mom.  You have him now.........miss you both more and more everyday.

No More Days Till Band Camp

 D-Day has finally arrived.  The day Hunter has been counting down to since the end of Marching Band season is upon us.  Daily he gave a rolling countdown for all to see (and be reminded of again.....and again......and again).  To Hunter this day was better than Christmas, Birthday and all combined......he COULD NOT WAIT to go out with his brothers and sisters and learn together a show that promised to be one to remember for many years to come.  INFECTED........zombies, drama, amazing musical choices......this show is like none other and Hunter considered himself blessed to be able to be a part of it.  He obsessed, he practiced and he did everything he could possibly do to prepare for this day but most importantly he couldn't wait to be reunited with his people and start making new memories together.....to Hunter, that was priceless.

I remember watching Hunter and his friends learn what the new show was at their year end banquet.  Their excitement honestly could not be contained.  And as details of the new show unfolded their shouts and fist pumps of joy got louder and went higher.  By the end they were sitting with their arms around one another talking non stop about how awesome this show was going to be......their brotherhood bond shined brighter than ever in that moment.  I too was amazed at the directors choices and vision for the show (I would have loved to be a part of it too).  I sat there imagining watching Hunter out on the field putting on the show of his life and seeing him revel in the sheer joy it would bring.  I couldn't WAIT for us to watch him LIVE again, to hear the smooth tunes of his tenor saxophone and to watch his steps of precision all over the field.  I couldn't wait to shamelessly video each and every performance, and to grab a few selfies with him (and any friends who happened to cross our paths).  To be able to experience those moments with him was far more valuable than anything money could buy......   

But those moments were not meant to be.  Today his band mates went through their first day without Hunter there.  I've heard from many and they all have a heaviness on them, many reflecting on their time with Hunter or supporting him by wearing his favorite band t shirts, they each faced a day that is not one we ever want to face.  My prayers have been with them all day and I will continue to pray that the days get better and that this heaviness will be replaced by joy and remembrance.  Hunter would not want his band mates to cry, he would want them to band together and make this show the best it can possibly be.  He would want them to help each other out, including the newbies to marching.  He would want them to laugh with one another and encourage one another.  He would want them to continue playing "The Game" and to carry one with traditions they made last year.  He would want the band to bond closer as a family and in the end produce an amazing show that they can ALL be proud of.......he would also want them to know that he is there with them in every practice and every performance cheering them on.  He is also there to comfort them as they work through their grieving process and experience sad moments.  He wouldn't want them to stay in the darkness for too long.......he would want them to SHINE. 

For me (as well as Lance, I'm sure) it's been an emotional day.  It's one of the many "reality checks" we will face as we move throughout our own grieving process.  Today I will not get a call to fill me in on the entire day's events.  I won't get random texts, some with pictures and some simply saying "I love you mom".    Through my tears I can hear Hunter saying "Suck it up, mom, don't cry for me".....it gives me comfort but it's very hard not to feel the sadness.   Somehow in the midst of all this there HAS to be some kind of light. Today was a step for many.....tomorrow is another step, praying that God will give us ALL strength as we continue to move forward.

To the Bradley Bear Pride Band........play that music and play it LOUD.  Hunter loved you with all that was in him, and he valued your friendships more than you know.  As his mother I thank you for being so good to him.  You guys made his final year amazing, and I can't thank you enough for that.  I look forward to seeing you guys in action on the football field this year.  Bear Pride!

 

Dearest JK Rowling........a letter from a Hufflepuff

Hunter Bradley Clark - A Proud Hufflepuff was He

Dearest JK Rowling,

My name is Jennifer Hunt and I'm writing to you on behalf of my son, Hunter.  This is a letter I should have sent LONG AGO, but for whatever reason God didn't intend for it to be sent until now.  I made my son a promise several months ago that I would share an idea he had with you and today I would like to follow through on that promise. 

The picture you see is of my son, Hunter Bradley Clark.  He's a 15 year old dreamer who's life was GREATLY impacted by your beloved stories.  He proudly proclaimed himself a Hufflepuff and his choice of clothing always reflected that. 
 
He has to be one of the most devoted fans of the Harry Potter series.  He didn't just enjoy the books and movies, he loved the characters and stories and spent constant time reading and rereading the books...he had an I Funny account listed as "wizard of hufflepuff" (with hundreds of followers) and he was #1 in the country for Harry Potter trivia on Trivia Crack.  He could recite to you ANY parts of the stories and could give you an in depth history lesson of the characters and story backgrounds and how things all tied together.  His most prized possessions were his Hufflepuff gear and his Mad Eye Moody wand and his Marauders Map comforter.

A few months ago we were at the laundry mat and while we waited he shared with me an idea he had.  I listened with intent as he truly seemed to have looked at this from ALL angles (he's very analytical) and was confident this idea could potentially work.  It touched me to see his passion as he spoke so I made him write the idea out to you in the form of a letter and I promised I would get this to you somehow.  Over the next few months he questioned me periodically "Did you send it, mom?".  My answer was always "No" and I would promise to do it asap, but I became too wrapped up in life and never followed through.........A month ago today he passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, and on that day I lost any opportunity to show him that I supported his dreams fully.  As a mother I never thought I would have only 15 years with him, and regret not taking this step sooner, but I have a strong need to send this regardless of whether he is here or not.  



Below are pictures of the idea he had, as well as a typed version of his letter (since he did have your typical 15 year old guy's handwriting).  I'm hoping this will reach you somehow.  If so, as Hunter's mother I want to thank you for providing a story so powerful that Hunter himself greatly impacted by it.  He lived his life much like Harry, loving all, accepting all and willing to sacrifice it all selflessly for the sake of his friends and family.  He had such passion for life and in the end inspired so many.  I can't thank you enough for what your stories did for him and thank you for giving me the opportunity to cross off one of the many promises I once made him. 

Sincerely,
Jennifer Hunt 
(Mother of a proud Hufflepuff)

"Dear Mrs Rowling,

Hello!  My name is Hunter Bradley Clark and I'm a Hufflepuff.  I've always loved Harry Potter and still sad for it's end.  But I was sitting at the laundromat thinking and had an idea.  Lily Potter in the Order of the Phoenix said in a letter to Sirius that the Potters had a cat.  And in the Half Blood Prince Professor Slughorn said that killing rips the soul, and by ripping the soul you can make a horcrux.  Well, on the night Harry's parent's were killed Voldemort's spell rebounded.  The only living things were the cat and Harry.  2 living things, 2 tears in his soul.  The cat is a horcrux.  There's something to think about.

Hunter Clark

PS

I hope you make something of this.  We all love Harry and we would love more.  Thanks!"