A couple of weeks ago I took my niece, Jenna, to have a screening done on her heart. She has never been symptomatic, however, anyone in my bloodline really needs to be checked every two years (whether symptoms show or not). With the amount of sudden cardiac deaths in our family being so high, we can never be too careful, right? Ultimately Jenna's tests all came back normal and she has a healthy heart.....yearly testing is to continue as a prevention.
I had been having Hunter screened for the past several years. He did display symptoms of passing out, light headed/dizziness and shortness of breath, but with each screening his tests came back normal. It was speculated the fainting spells were from him going through puberty, though it was never proven one way or another. When Hunter died we didn't know what could have happened. My gut told me it had to do with his heart, however, I always expected it to be the family inherited disease and not a rare viral infection that would take him.
The cardiologist I took Jenna to happened to be the same cardiologist that monitored Hunter's heart. He and I had spoken on several occasions, often discussing the possibility of genetic testing and preventative measures we could take for the kids as they grew older. When Dr. Johnson walked into the room he looked at me and said "I know you".....he looked from me to Jenna then back to me again as he repeated "I know you" with a confused look on his face. I responded with "You treated my son for several years, he passed away in June" and he interrupted saying "Hunter Clark.......".
The moment he uttered Hunter's name his eyes filled with tears. "When I first received the call from the medical examiner my knees hit the floor. All I could do was kneel there and weep. You have to know that every second of every day you and your family are in my prayers", he said with a trembling voice. "You have to know that without a shadow of a doubt there is NOTHING you could have done to save Hunter, and for that I'm so very sorry." For the first part of conversation he stressed how there was nothing we as parents, or even him as a doctor, could have done to save Hunter. He spent the days following the call reading up on the type of myocarditis Hunter had because prior to him, they had never seen or picked up on a pediatric case. Typically this type of myocarditis affected adults, not the young. Because of Hunter they have now picked up on two more pediatric cases and have been able to provide treatment........according to Dr. Johnson, because of Hunter two more lives have been saved (and potentially countless others now that they are aware of what to look for).
The news was bittersweet.....it means so much that Hunter's death is STILL making good, REALLY good things happen, that lives are being saved........but the human side of me still says "Why did it have to take my son?". Not that I would wish this pain on anyone else, not even my worst enemy......but did it still have to take my son? I'm not sure how I will ever recover from loosing such a vital part of me, a HUGE portion of my soul missing. I'm not sure anything will ever fill that void........but even almost four months later we are still seeing lives impacted, lives saved and forever changed because of our sweet boy. It's those miracles that soothe the deep ache inside, it's those miracles that continue to inspire me to keep telling his story.......shine on, Hunter, shine on......
The marching season is well underway. By this time last year we had captured multiple videos and pictures of our sweet boy, Hunter, marching in the halftime show with his beloved bandmates. His first ever marching season, Hunter marched a little more proudly, chest puffed high. You could watch him count down the steps, his mind always focused on which way to turn and what note to play next. Hunter lived for marching season, relishing every moment he was able to have and for one fleeting season we were able to watch him live out his dream.
This year is a little.....well, a LOT different. We still go to all the games we are able to make it to, and we sit in the stands with all the other proud band parents and watch as their children put on the show of a lifetime. It's bittersweet in that we are able to watch these amazing kiddos lay their hearts out on the field (most, if not all marching in memory of their friend, Hunter)......but our sweet boy is no longer in their midst.
Throughout the season the band has paid tribute to Hunter in some pretty incredible ways. We've watched as they laid his saxophone in the middle of a circle while they prayed, we watched as they held his saxophone above their heads and chanted "Hunter", we've witnessed the "HC" formation they've worked into their show, we've worn the bracelets they each wear in remembrance of their friend, proudly displaying "Hunter Clark, your memory marches on". We've gone not only to support the kids, but selfishly we've gone because we FEEL him there. Being around them, watching them......though Hunter is not there we still FEEL him. Being around them aids us in our grieving process and we will forever be grateful for their role in not only Hunter's life but OUR lives as well.
Every year Bradley hosts a band competition called The ABC Competition (A Bradley Classic). This year the band and their boosters invited us to attend as VIP's in Hunter's honor. Daniel, Madison, Dad, Jenna, Kayle, Jordan and Carmen all attended with me and Lance, Tara, Kallen and Talma all attended on behalf of his side of the family. We all were given free parking, free admission, food and drinks.....all around we were pampered beyond belief. Walking up to the school I was seriously impressed by the sheer size of the competition, the amount of people and competitors packing the stadium and walkways around the stadium was mind blowing. It certainly was a big production. Last year I did not attend this with Hunter (I'm wishing now I had, but I opted to work on my weekend off from the kids.....another memory I can't get back), but this year I was blessed to be able to be a part of it.
Walking in the
gate we were asked if we'd seen the program yet. While flipping through
the pages we came across a page that made us stop and catch our
breaths. There, in the middle of the program, was a large picture of
our beautiful boy smiling back at us. Along with the picture was a
beautiful tribute for Hunter that was written by the band boosters. Our
eyes filled with tears as we read and reread the beautifully written
words. Flipping through a little further we stumbled upon a picture of
Alex holding Hunter's saxophone with a sweet note written by his
parents, letting Alex know that Hunter was there with them and how proud
they were of him. It almost seemed surreal, looking at those pages
knowing that it was about our son, but not fully wanting to believe that
he is in fact gone. It touched our hearts beyond belief, but at the
same time we experienced another reality check........Hunter is a memory
now and will only live on through our hearts.
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| "HC" Script Formation |
At the end of the evening Bradley performed their entire "Infected" show (in full uniform) for the audience. As the host band they were not allowed to compete, however, they played an exhibition at the end of the competition. I, along with Daniel, Madison and some of the sweetest band moms around (LOVE my girls) stood on the roof of the concessions building and together we watched and we applauded Bradley's performance. No matter how many times I've seen the "HC" formation I still catch my breath and my eyes fill with tears. Chills cover me as I hear the swell of the music as they transition from a regular "HC" to a more script "HC". It's an amazingly beautiful sight and in that moment, we ALL felt Hunter's presence. We could almost hear him shouting right along with us, and I could imagine him pumping his fist high into the air.
After the performance and just before the awards ceremony the boosters called Hunter's family along with the family of Brian Gallaher (the Ocoee Middle School Band Director who was killed in a tragic interstate accident only days after we lost our sweet boy) on the field. In a matter of a week Bradley County was hit hard and suffered great loss in the forms of these two precious souls. As we walked onto the field the emcee read tributes to both Hunter and Brian, again beautifully written by the band boosters. After the tributes were read we were presented with plaques, each engraved with a special message regarding the impact both Brian and Hunter had on the Bradley family. We were left in tears and again could only stand silent, in complete awe of the sight in front of us.
Standing there in the pouring down rain, holding this shiny plaque I looked back at the crowd, each person on their feet cheering and clapping. In that moment I saw just how much Hunter was loved and respected. My heart filled with with a sweet sadness and my eyes filled with tears, my hand reached down and landed on the top of Madison's sweet head......words cannot accurately describe my emotions in that exact moment, but my heart was touched more than ever before......
To the Bradley family, THANK YOU for including us in this event. Thank you for welcoming us into your family and thank you for loving our sweet boy. We will ALWAYS hold a special place for you in our hearts, and we will ALWAYS remember what you guys have done for us. You guys have made our grieving process a little less painful and shifted our focus from his death to the impact he had in life. Thank you for teaching us more about our son, showing us that he did in fact leave a powerful legacy behind. We wish you all the best and hope to see your beautiful children make their own paths in life as they pursue their own dreams. As Hunter would tell them, anything is possible if you just believe...........
